SAMPLE
Excerpt from: Taking Control of Your Happiness
Experiencing change in life is difficult. We humans
are hard wired to fear change and often do everything possible to fight
it off, even when it would bring great happiness…or perhaps especially
when it brings happiness. It is because of this fear that we find ourselves
‘in a rut’ and feeling powerless over the joys we experience.
We come to feel that happiness is the result of random chance instead
of direct action and perpetuate a cycle of negativity and depression.
If you have ever felt this way, you are not alone! There
isn’t a person among us that doesn’t experience apprehension
and anxiety when confronted with change. All of us have felt powerless
and depressed about our lives at some point, no matter how “successful”
we may appear to everyone else. Our biggest dreams come knocking at the
front door and we turn tail and run the other way. It’s a natural,
instinctual reaction left over from a time when change almost certainly
meant danger. Whether large change or small, this flight response is the
same, the key is to be aware of and accept this reaction without letting
it rule you. It’s a matter of taking control.
To take control of your life, and ultimately your happiness,
it means changing self-destructive habits as well as clearing negative
clutter and people from your life. It means defining goals and working
toward them. It means confronting fear and taking risks and entering the
river of life, be it head-first or one inch at a time. We need to recognize
these happiness busters, understand that they hold us back from joy and
move beyond them. No matter how stuck or hopeless you feel, you do have
the power to change your life. You can create the life of your dreams.
One of the most common happiness avoidance habits we
use is excessive busyness. This is the art of finding so many things you
“have” to do that there isn’t any time left over to
think about or work toward change. Taking on unnecessary responsibilities
and refusing to accept help from others are just a couple examples of
how we up our busyness quotient.
By draining away any moments to ourselves we avoid thinking
about our dreams and feelings, and we also avoid RISK. Every time we try
to learn something new or put ourselves into creating something, we risk
exposure. Every painting or book or poem that was created from personal
feelings and experience exposes our vulnerability to the outside world
and its criticism.
Another way we avoid happiness is with negative self
talk. This is the little voice that says, “I can’t do that”
every time we think of trying something new. It’s the voice that
tells us “that’s terrible” and “I’ll never
be any good at this”. It’s what makes us question our abilities
and worth. It’s also probably the most effective way we keep ourselves
stuck.
Negative self-talk is full of “can’t”
and “won’t” and “don’t”. It makes
us put away the sketch pad instead of developing our drawing skills. It’s
why we give up on ideas and inspirations without even trying. It’s
why we’re so sure we don’t deserve to be happy. The more we
tell ourselves a thing, the more we believe it, and the more we believe
it, the more we work toward making it true.
A close relative to negative self talk is the fine art
of making excuses. These rationalizations about why we don’t have
time or money or ability or interest in pursuing our dreams range from
the appearance of logic to downright absurdity. Excuses are, “I
can’t go to the museum with you because I have to get the laundry
done.” Or “I don’t have enough time to take that painting
class because of the kids.” Taking two hours to go to the museum
won’t hurt the laundry and that one hour painting class twice a
week happens to be when the kids are in school. So what is really holding
you back? Excuses are what we use to keep ourselves from enjoying life,
from expanding our horizons or trying something new.
Last but certainly not least is the art of procrastination.
Notice I keep saying that these happiness busting habits are “arts”.
They are all skills and like any skill we’ve had to work at them!
It has taken practice to develop procrastination to such heights and only
a true creative genius could come up with so many excuses. Procrastination
is probably the sneakiest happiness busting habit of them all. By procrastinating
we’re never actually making the commitment to do or not do a thing,
we’re just putting it off until everyone forgets about it.
After identifying our happiness busting habits it’s
time to clear out that negative clutter. Negative clutter comes in many
forms.... <snip>
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